I'm looking forward to this!!

They certainly can be. With an emphasis upon “inherent worth and dignity,” UU congregations are positioned to be open, accepting and suportive of special needs children and their parents. Particularly when it comes to ADD and the Autism spectrum, UU congregations have been welcoming and accepting of what might be considered disruptive behavior in other, more mainline denominations. I would like to recommend to anyone who is looking to be supportive of special needs children in UU congregations to get a copy of Sally Patton's book, Welcoming Children With Special Needs: A Guidebook for Faith Communities. You can also check out her website at http://embracechildspirit.org/index.htm.

This is a great idea. As the UU parent of a young toddler, this is right up my alley. It's been tough adjusting to my new role as a parent in terms of how much my church participation has dropped. Also, many of my church friends are either much older or are my age and still child-free, so that has been interesting. Looking forward to checking in weekly!

How timely. I am an 4th grade RE teacher and send weekly emails to the our families with suggestions for UU@Home with ideas and activites I find on UUA and other UU or spiritual websites. This Sunday, our DRE is giving a talk to the PA called Raising a UU Child, and we have a new discussion group that just formed on Creating a UU Home, and intergenerational focus, not just families with children. I look forward to this discussion.

This must be frustrating for you to see children and families with special needs welcomed in the Catholic church your wife attends while your UU congregation appears to not value their presence. I would like to stress, however, that all UU congregations are different, and I have witnessed a number of them which are very welcoming to special needs children and accomodating of differences which could be seen as disruptive by some adults. I have also experienced situations where congregants just didn't really want kids around during worship or social events, all children — not just those with special needs.

Even some UU congregations which welcome children in general may not be supportive of children with special needs and their families, but usually this is just a case of not understanding the nature of their differences and what these children and families need from their religious community. A child in a wheelchair or is mobility challenged in other ways has a clear, visible difference that needs to be accomodated. Special needs children with emotional, intellectual, cognitive or perceptual differences may not be as obvious. Nor is it as obvious to congregants what they may need to be supported by the community.

I also need to stress that even the ways in which multigenerational services are held, along with family worship services also varies from congregation to congregation. When the goal is to just have the kids there without doing anything to meet their needs, then it often results in wiggly kids who pester their parents so no one has a meaningful worship experience. If, like the children growing up in Catholic churches, they were there every week for the whole service, the expectations of both adults and children would have to be much different than at congregations where children are only present for part of the service and/or the occasional multigenerational or family service.

And I share your frustration that far too often UU churches create systems which separate children, youth and adults and then balk at families who want to do worship together. However, changing established congregational systems is a difficult process and requires a great deal of educating the community on not only what they should be doing, but why. Again, Sally Patton's book contains many strategies for congregations to do right by all families by accepting and welcoming children with special needs, along with specific strategies for specific needs.

All good points. I agree with you and left out most of these points in my “rant.” I look forward to moving this forward with my congregation. My wife and I will be contributing to the dialog as our congregation goes through a strategic planning process, along with a new DRE starting next fall. Sally's book clearly will be useful.

My wife says all Catholic churches she has attended, with the exception of churches that cater to older congregations, operate this way. What are they going to do? Encourage you to have many children and then lock you out of the communion service?

As parents who have also received the dirty looks, even during intergenerational services (first half hour together), I agree with you that the culture that is created in a church that welcomes children to the services is going to be a very different one than one that keeps them separate.

I agree that one cannot generalize, but my wife says that she has never been to a Catholic church where this was not the usual practice. I think she has a bit of experience with this.

I have been an RE teacher for 16 years at my church (children's choir and 4th grade), and I do what I can to raise the profile of the children in our RE program. Fortunately, today a majority of our board members are parents and former RE committee members–this is a big change from when I began at this church. We need to make our needs more clear to the senior minister.

We have monthly intergenerational worship with children present for the first half hour, but there is no child-friendly worship going on for the first 20 minutes. I fidget more than my kids with the frustration of seeing my kids presence ignored by the selection of opening words, choral music, announcements, meditation, hymns. Nothing to speak to them. They are finally acknowledged for brief remarks by the minister before they are dismissed to their classrooms.

It is hard to buck an entrenched attitude of disdain for family worship. With our denominational numbers in freefall, it is important that we make families welcome, and show children that they matter. Otherwise, we raise children who do not have an interest in what goes on in the sanctuary, and only know circle worship.

I look forward to studying Sally Patton's book and sharing it with the minister and new DRE starting in the fall.