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A discussion about parenting and liberal religion, with Michelle Richards, author of Tending the Flame: The Art of Unitarian Universalist Parenting. | Welcome | Subscribe
By Michelle Richards, on April 30th, 2012  ©2011 EpicStockMedia Early adolescence is often a time when a child’s appreciation of the magic that younger children see everywhere in the world becomes squelched or outright ignored. Wide-eyed wonder about life and the universe isn’t “cool” and gaining the respect of their peers often becomes tantamount.
By the time they have become teenagers, most children have already developed that ever-present internal critic that haunts adults. This can keep youth from being fully present in any moment, let alone experiencing the sacredness of life or a connection to the divine.
Today’s teens also live in a world of multi-tasking and hyper-attention to multiple sources at once. Texting, instant messaging, social networks, instant access to the internet via Wi-Fi, and other modern tools mean youth are used to spreading their attention over multiple stimuli at one time. From a spiritual perspective, Mimi Doe, author of Nurturing Your Teenager’s Soul, argues that all of this multiple and simultaneous auditory and visual input “tends to numb teens out, disconnecting them from their hearts, minds, and intuitive wisdom. When over-stimulation is a way of life, quieter moments may seem empty” as a result.
Our job as parents, then, is to offer opportunities for our youth to remember that quiet time doesn’t have to mean being bored or even engaging in deep thinking. We can orchestrate moments that help them to reconnect to the extraordinary and reawaken what may seem like a sleeping sense of wonder.
One of the best ways we can do this is through immersion in the natural world. It doesn’t have to be an expensive trip to the Grand Canyon or Badlands National Park. In fact, those places are so often so overrun with tourists that it may be more difficult to engulf yourself in the experience than it is at home. Taking a hike through a local woods, camping overnight in a natural space, or planting vegetables together in a community garden are wonderful ways to open up the possibilities of connection to one another and the greater universe.
Teenagers have a strong, intense need for acceptance, which is one of the real draws of the popular and charismatic evangelical Christian youth programs that are all around us. Nature, too, accepts us for who we are and never rejects us: The connection youth can feel to the larger universe is empowering, even as it reminds us how small we are.
As you sit around the campfire or simply light a candle in your home after a hike in the woods, retell them our creation story—how millions of years of evolution have passed to create them and their generation, and now it is up to them to be the caretakers of the amazing world with which we have an everlasting connection. Remind them that they are a part of the universe and that they contain the same elements as the stars that were born during the Big Bang. Blow their minds with the science of physics; share theories of how time is relative, not fixed, and then watch them tune into the moment right before your eyes.
Learn more: “The Wonder of Evolution: Welcome to the Ecozoic Era” (UU World, Spring 2006)
By Michelle Richards, on April 20th, 2012  (© Ravi Tahilramani/iStockphoto) The commemoration known as Earth Day, first held on April 22, 1970, marks the beginning of what was to become the modern environmental movement. The Earth Day celebration in 1990 led to widespread recycling efforts that our children now see as commonplace in our homes and communities. Given how Unitarian Universalism’s Seventh Principle guides us to protect our planet and the “independent web of all existence,” then if ever there were a Holy Day for Unitarian Universalists, this would be it.
Thousands of events are planned every year in schools, communities, and cities all across the globe. The Earth Day Network’s website details activities happening in cities all over the world, including ways that communities of faith can get involved.
This year, the Nature Conservancy is promoting Picnic for the Planet, which just may be the world’s largest Earth Day celebration. Events are planned all over the country for people to celebrate with picnic lunches on Sunday, April 22. Money they raise will be matched dollar for dollar by the Nature Conservancy to help protect sources of food and clean water.
Even if there are no official Earth Day events or activities in your area (and you are not feeling motivated to initiate them regionally), parents can still commemorate Earth Day through intentional efforts as a family: taking time to clean up a local park, making items out of recycled plastic or other disposable items, even planting a tree. The important thing is not so much what you do, but that you do it. While your family may regularly recycle and engage in other “green” activities, celebrating the day as a holiday for Unitarian Universalists lifts it up and highlights its expression of one of our deepest values.
Earth Day is a time to celebrate the gains we have made in the areas of conservation and environmental protection. It is also a time to recognize how far we have yet to go and to understand that we can all play a part in the process. Earth Day can be a time for families to unite around action and our intentions to improve our natural home. So while every day is a time for Unitarian Universalists to engage in environmental activism, recycling, and being “green,” Earth Day is a time to celebrate those efforts and our connections to the Earth. How can it get more holy than that?
By Michelle Richards, on March 26th, 2012  ©2011 oneclearvision/iStockphoto When Henry went to an overnight camp designed for boys to learn about law enforcement (a subject he was really into), he of course took a bunch of books along with him. He was an avid reader and just couldn’t imagine going to an overnight without some books.
However, many if not most of the other boys didn’t bring books along with them, and they didn’t quite understand Henry’s interest in reading. As they teased and asked him about the books, it eventually degenerated into his roommates asking him, “What, are you gay?”
Henry, having been raised as a Unitarian Universalist and quite familiar with homosexual couples—a number of whom are good family friends—responded to these taunts with a reasonable statement: “I don’t know yet, I’m only 10.”
In his innocence, he didn’t even realize these boys were using the word “gay” as a derogatory term, and since he is fully aware of what the word actually means, he responded as if he was being asked the question in terms of his sexual identity. And while many children already do have an inkling of where their affectional orientation lies at that age, I love the idea that he believed sexuality was something which evolves as you grow and, despite the fact that he didn’t know yet, he believed that if he turned out to be gay, that was okay.
I wasn’t there, but I imagine the boys laughed at his answer to their taunt, and most likely it was an uneasy sort of laughter. Uneasy because Henry made them think and boys (and girls) who are prone to bullying don’t like to be challenged in their thinking.
This is not unlike the comment issued by my bisexual daughter and preserved in her high school’s magazine when she was recently interviewed for a story. In talking about her own sexuality, she explains, “There’s a rumor going around that I’m a lesbian. Well, that’s only half true.”
So while Henry and other children being raised by Unitarian Universalist parents will say they “don’t know,” often times it turns out that they do in fact know a lot more than other kids around them. And who then is better equipped to educate their classmates about loving compassion and social justice?
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