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A discussion about parenting and liberal religion, with Michelle Richards, author of Tending the Flame: The Art of Unitarian Universalist Parenting. | Welcome | Subscribe
By Michelle Richards, on January 30th, 2012  ©2007 Charles Silvey/iStockphoto Regardless of your personal theology—be it theist, deist, pantheist, atheist, or anything in between—as a parent you will inevitably face questions about God. Images of the divine are all around us and deeply embedded in our culture. God is mentioned in television programs and popular music, thanked by celebrities for their perceived success, and even mentioned in the Pledge of Allegiance spoken every morning in public schools across our nation.
Even if you yourself do not believe in God, or hold an image of the divine that is not anthropomorphic or close to the traditionally male father-figure of the major monotheistic religions, your child will undoubtedly form an image of such a God in his or her mind. As is the case with Santa Claus, it is not hard for children to believe since the evidence seems to be all around them. However, even very young children are able to embrace mystery surrounding the divine because they find the whole world mysterious. In fact, many children have been disappointed, hurt, and confused when their parents have given the impression that any inquires about God are unwelcome or forbidden.
Last Sunday, my family visited our local mosque as part of our Unitarian Universalist church’s religious education program, which includes units focused on learning about other religious traditions. As we were preparing to leave and return home, I was surprised to find my nine-year-old son in the worship space with his forehead pressed to the carpet as he had seen the Muslims pray. I thought he was merely imitating what he had witnessed and “trying it out” to see what it was like, but he later confessed to me that he wished we prayed at our congregation.
While I tried to explain that we did indeed engage in prayer-like activities such as meditation and spoken words which inspire connections to the divine and the universe or all humanity, he was still not satisfied. He wanted to be able to use his body to pray and humble himself in front of an all-powerful being which he could pay homage to. Once again I was humbled—apparently even I, with my supposed vast knowledge of faith development and religious education philosophy—was completely unaware that my child wanted to pray.
We have done yoga and meditation, walked a labyrinth full of wildflowers, said grace after lighting our family chalice at meals, and explored many other spiritual paths. However, the one that I neglected to introduce—and he apparently craved the most—was prayer. Because he also seemed to appreciate the kinesthetic aspects of the body prayer he witnessed, we are now exploring other traditions that utilize body prayers and working on creating our own bedtime prayer where he can express his thoughts, his longings, and his joys.
For it seems that even if you as a parent have come to conclusions that are meaningful for you, it is still necessary to teach our children that the questions they ask about the nature of the divine have not been answered to the satisfaction of a great many freethinkers and that questions about God are tough to determine because of the nature of our knowing. With maturity and physical growth, faith development also expands—and our children may expand their thinking about the divine over time, or may not. And with that, we should never make assumptions about what our children are looking for in terms of spiritual practices.
By Michelle Richards, on January 16th, 2012  U.S. postage stamp; photo ©2011 Ken Brown/iStockphoto Martin Luther King Jr. Day is not only for celebration, remembrance, and a tribute to an amazing individual, but in recent years has evolved into a national day of service. All across America on this day, people perform community service in hospitals, homeless shelters, prisons, and wherever people need help. It is a day of volunteering to feed the hungry, rehabilitate housing, tutor those who can’t read, mentor at-risk youngsters, console the broken-hearted, and a thousand other projects building the beloved community of Dr. King’s dream.
For Unitarian Universalist parents who lament our lack of meaningful holidays, a national day of service can be a way of living our faith together as a family. Beyond honoring the inherent worth and dignity of all persons, this national day of service promotes actively working to uphold our Second Principle, “justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.” And since many children are home from school to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr. Day, this can be an optimal family time for community service.
For instance, Laura Yamashita, who attends the Unitarian Universalist Church of Atlanta, marches in the annual Martin Luther King Jr. parade with her children every year. This has become an annual tradition for her family and has marked the passing of the years just like holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. It also makes a clear statement to her children that their presence is important in honoring the man and his work for non-violent social change.
Other Unitarian Universalist parents have arranged time to serve meals in soup kitchens, work on community restoration projects, or donated time to stock a food pantry’s shelves with food for hungry families. The opportunities for service are limitless; in fact, many local organizations that are in need of assistance will hold special opportunities for volunteers to help out on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. You can find out about ways to make a difference all over the country and in your neighborhood through the National Day of Service website.
Even if your family does not engage in social action projects together on this day, the holiday presents an opportunity for Unitarian Universalist children to learn about the power of nonviolent protest and civil disobedience, two key aspects of our religious heritage. One thing that my kids find really amazing is that even though Dr. King was not a Unitarian Universalist, he was heavily influenced by Gandhi (who was a Hindu) and through him, by Henry David Thoreau (a Transcendentalist Unitarian). (King also drew inspiration from the Unitarian-Universalist utopian minister Adin Ballou, whose idea of “nonresistance” influenced Tolstoy and Gandhi, and from the radical Unitarian minister Theodore Parker, whose language about the “moral arc of the universe” King used in his speeches.)
This National Day of Service presents an opportunity for all of us, no matter our color or creed or political affiliation, to create a better world. For beyond his work on the civil rights movement and non-violent protest, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. presented a challenge to all of us when he said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?’” To this challenge, I’ll add: “What are you doing to teach your children what we need to be doing for others?”
Learn more about the MLK-Thoreau connection at these links: “The Formative Influences on Martin Luther King,” by Gregg Blakely (Peace Magazine, Apr.-June 2001); “The Life and Words of Martin Luther King Jr.” (Scholastic curriculum guide, grades 6-8).
By Michelle Richards, on November 28th, 2011  ©Noam Armonn/Bigstock We all want our children to develop an attitude of gratitude, but there is a lot working against us in this department. Bombarded with messages celebrating consumerism, children may find it hard to be grateful. After all, obtaining material goods often seems to be the meaning of the holidays.
Countless parents have experienced dismay and embarrassment when their child opens a gift and, instead of saying “Thank You,” utters an exasperated, “I already have this.” Even a child who is naturally generous and giving may simply smile and set a less desirable present aside in the rush to unwrap another.
Beyond explaining gift etiquette and how one should respond even if a gift is unwanted, parents can model generosity. Our children watch what we do, so be sure to let them witness our own acts of kindness to others, particularly strangers or others in need. Our children also need to witness us giving money to the charities we support and volunteering for non-profit organizations—including our congregations.
As a present for birthdays, holidays, or on some other occasion, instead of getting one more toy or other item which will soon be discarded, parents can ask extended family members to consider giving a certificate to your child with the promise that you will give a set amount of money to a charity of their choice. If they are not sure which charity to support, investigate some possibilities with them. For example, the website CharityChoice offers a choice of more than 100 charities in 12 different categories.
Generosity doesn’t involve only financial giving. Helping others, either through random acts of kindness or through volunteering your time, is being generous, too. Talk to your children about the causes you support and why you give them your time and money. Think about the ways you can involve them in your volunteer opportunities in age-appropriate ways.
Finally, it’s important not to overlook the value of writing and sending thank-you notes for the gifts our children receive. As soon as they are able to write somewhat legibly and without a great deal of difficulty, children can write simple thank-you notes to express their appreciation for the gifts they receive. Grandma and Grandpa will be thrilled at the prospect and parents of similar-aged children will be impressed, but even the simple act of creating the thank-you cards speaks to the intentionality of recognizing the kindness of others. After all, gratitude is the loving twin of generosity. When we feel grateful, we are often generous—and when we are feeling generous, it helps us be grateful.
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