|
|
A discussion about parenting and liberal religion, with Michelle Richards, author of Tending the Flame: The Art of Unitarian Universalist Parenting. | Welcome | Subscribe
By Michelle Richards, on January 16th, 2012  U.S. postage stamp; photo ©2011 Ken Brown/iStockphoto Martin Luther King Jr. Day is not only for celebration, remembrance, and a tribute to an amazing individual, but in recent years has evolved into a national day of service. All across America on this day, people perform community service in hospitals, homeless shelters, prisons, and wherever people need help. It is a day of volunteering to feed the hungry, rehabilitate housing, tutor those who can’t read, mentor at-risk youngsters, console the broken-hearted, and a thousand other projects building the beloved community of Dr. King’s dream.
For Unitarian Universalist parents who lament our lack of meaningful holidays, a national day of service can be a way of living our faith together as a family. Beyond honoring the inherent worth and dignity of all persons, this national day of service promotes actively working to uphold our Second Principle, “justice, equity, and compassion in human relations.” And since many children are home from school to commemorate Martin Luther King Jr. Day, this can be an optimal family time for community service.
For instance, Laura Yamashita, who attends the Unitarian Universalist Church of Atlanta, marches in the annual Martin Luther King Jr. parade with her children every year. This has become an annual tradition for her family and has marked the passing of the years just like holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. It also makes a clear statement to her children that their presence is important in honoring the man and his work for non-violent social change.
Other Unitarian Universalist parents have arranged time to serve meals in soup kitchens, work on community restoration projects, or donated time to stock a food pantry’s shelves with food for hungry families. The opportunities for service are limitless; in fact, many local organizations that are in need of assistance will hold special opportunities for volunteers to help out on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. You can find out about ways to make a difference all over the country and in your neighborhood through the National Day of Service website.
Even if your family does not engage in social action projects together on this day, the holiday presents an opportunity for Unitarian Universalist children to learn about the power of nonviolent protest and civil disobedience, two key aspects of our religious heritage. One thing that my kids find really amazing is that even though Dr. King was not a Unitarian Universalist, he was heavily influenced by Gandhi (who was a Hindu) and through him, by Henry David Thoreau (a Transcendentalist Unitarian). (King also drew inspiration from the Unitarian-Universalist utopian minister Adin Ballou, whose idea of “nonresistance” influenced Tolstoy and Gandhi, and from the radical Unitarian minister Theodore Parker, whose language about the “moral arc of the universe” King used in his speeches.)
This National Day of Service presents an opportunity for all of us, no matter our color or creed or political affiliation, to create a better world. For beyond his work on the civil rights movement and non-violent protest, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. presented a challenge to all of us when he said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?’” To this challenge, I’ll add: “What are you doing to teach your children what we need to be doing for others?”
Learn more about the MLK-Thoreau connection at these links: “The Formative Influences on Martin Luther King,” by Gregg Blakely (Peace Magazine, Apr.-June 2001); “The Life and Words of Martin Luther King Jr.” (Scholastic curriculum guide, grades 6-8).
By Michelle Richards, on March 14th, 2011 When I was growing up in a Catholic family, the Lenten season usually meant eating breaded fish sticks for dinner on Friday nights and more frequent church attendance as the countdown to Easter began. It also meant 40-plus days of giving up something meaningful to me, and although this could be quite challenging at times, I believe it taught me a lot about self-discipline, restraint, and overcoming temptation.
 ©Red Barn Studio/iStockphoto The word “Lent” itself comes from an Old English word for spring that means “lengthening,” and has been used to designate the “long time” it may take for the arrival of Easter—which for Christians heralds the resurrection of Jesus—but also has significance for non-Christians who eagerly wait for the Earth to come alive with the arrival of Spring. Unlike Easter, Lent is not typically observed by Unitarian Universalist families, but it could have sacred relevance to us in our faith tradition, too.
Some families regularly observe the Advent season in a reverent way during the winter holidays, and so this year during Lent (which began with Ash Wednesday on March 9), I will be teaching my children the valuable lesson of giving up—or doing without something—in order to appreciate what we so often take for granted in life.
There was some initial resistance from my eight-year-old son, of course, and I had to help him come up with something reasonable for him to do without for the coming weeks (giving up school, for instance, was out of the question). My teenage daughter was initially excited about the idea and full of enthusiasm, fully on board with the idea. However, as the weeks progress, I imagine her positive energy may very dwindle a bit as the challenge of the experience sets in. This is only to be expected. After all, if it’s too easy, then it wasn’t truly a lesson in setting limits and overcoming temptation.
If your family is already vegetarian or vegan, then the meatless Fridays will not have much value in your home. However, all families can gain a real sense of meaning by doing without to appreciate the greater good, particularly if a simple meal is connected with any possible monetary “savings” which can be given to a food bank or used to purchase food for a local food pantry. Families could also explore possible meal programs in the local area and make a meal to donate and prepare each week during the Lenten season. Even young children can assist with cooking a big pot of soup, chili, or Sloppy Joes and help with tossing of a large salad.
What are some of the ways that you teach self-discipline and restraint in your family? Do you feel our faith tradition helps you with this process or gives voice to these values in your parenting? Are there ways you can incorporate a time of doing without or giving to others into your family’s life?
By Michelle Richards, on November 1st, 2010 
Intergenerational service project at the 2010 General Assembly (© Nancy Pierce/UUA)
One of the pressing questions often faced by Unitarian Universalist parents is: How do we teach our children, some of whom are growing up in relatively privileged homes, about the injustice of the world? How can we let them know that true justice goes beyond how bedtimes are determined and that compassion for others is at the heart of giving?
First and foremost, raising children in an anti-bias, anti-oppression home—one that acknowledges the realities of racism, the oppression of poverty, the danger of homophobia, and the error of making assumptions about ability—starts with the language we use and the environment we create in the home. We can teach our children to respect, appreciate, and affirm people who are different from us. We can actively work to not perpetuate harmful assumptions about others when we express our ideas. And we can encourage our children to avoid teasing and name-calling as well as to stand up for victims and speak out when they recognize oppression in any form.
The true development of compassion, however, is another matter. The nature of children (particularly young ones) is inherently selfish, because they have an egocentric view of the world. This is why a child can give a beloved toy to a friend without a second thought and then in the next few minutes snatch it right out of their hands. Their brains literally do not comprehend that others have a perspective other than their own.
Yet children need to understand that being compassionate can help them create a better world. Beyond modeling this value within our families, developing a family tradition of community service—such as engaging in social justice projects together—communicates that compassion is a family value.
Volunteering together to work a Saturday afternoon shift at a soup kitchen; gathering up groceries to give to the local food pantry; or participating in a walk, bike ride, or fun-run for an important cause can be family enrichment activities—especially when there is talk of why it is important to help out the people who will benefit from the family’s efforts. Even the act of praying together for the well-being of others, sending a healing white light to those who are hurting, or intentionally holding people in our thoughts can go a long way toward nurturing compassion in our children.
Finally, role-playing can be an effective way of promoting justice through compassion. Asking children to act out a story or particular situation can help them come to an understanding of others’ thoughts and feelings that is just not possible otherwise. This method turns the game of imagination into an active tool for learning about justice and compassion.
Related resources:
|
|
