Describing marriage

The Rev. Daniel Harper essays “a rough description of Unitarian Universalist marriage today. I’m sure I’ve missed some things, or gotten some facts wrong. If so, please correct me in the comments below.”

With all the current debate about the meaning of marriage, particularly in the context of the so-called “culture wars,” I decided to summarize what I know about marriage as it is practiced in, and understood by, Unitarian Universalist congregations today. This is a descriptive rather than a prescriptive summary; I am not trying to prescribe what “real” marriage is; I am not trying to tell how you should do marriage; I am trying to describe marriage as I have observed it in my affiliation with nine different congregations with varying theological emphases.

The topics Harper covers are: Covenantal basis | Forms | Same-sex marriage | Divorce | Changes and challenges | Life in the married state (“Yet Another Unitarian Universalist,” February 2; Followup post documenting multiple-partner marriages in America, February 4)

Corporate personhood

The Rev. Mary Wellemeyer responds to the recent Supreme Court ruling regarding corporate involvement in campaigns.

So for some purposes, corporations are people, but for taxation, they are not. I say, the right of using money to talk in political campaigns should be like the taxation thing. The people who make up the corporations have the right to express themselves. Having the corporation do it too is double expression, just as taxing corporate income is double taxation. (“A Larger Faith,” January 30)

Being church

“Lizard Eater” discovers “everything I needed to know about church I learned at Weight Watchers.”

1) Going every week matters. . . .
2) But the real work is done during the week. . . .
3) Having someone who can speak from experience matters. . . .
4) Those who aren’t in it, will think it’s a cult. Tee-hee. . . .
5) If you work the program, it works. If you don’t, it don’t. . . .
6) It isn’t for everybody. . . . (“The Journey,” February 1)

The Rev. Anthony David looks at the diversity of Unitarian Universalists as a kind of bird-watching.

Certainly an obvious place to start is with our theological diversity. A quick test: how you instinctively respond to the following possible sermon topics may indicate the kind of theological bird you are: here we go:

God the Noun
God the Verb
God the Adjective
God the Expletive
Too Confused to Decide
Why Are You Doing This To Me? (“Thousand Voices,” February 1)

The Rev. Daniel Harper points out that community requires commitment.

And in fact one of the great weaknesses of today’s Unitarian Universalist congregations is that so many of the people who think of themselves as Unitarian Universalists aren’t willing to sacrifice any of their autonomy to participate in the congregational community. But here, as in so many aspects of life, ya gotta pay to play. Rule number one of congregational community:—if you want a Unitarian Universalist community, you have to give up the much-loved American autonomy that says it’s better to sleep in or go for a walk or play video games on Sunday morning. Then add some volunteer hours on top of that. Otherwise, you’re not part of a community. (“Yet Another Unitarian Universalist,” February 1)

Around the blogosphere

Former UU World editor Tom Stites has won the 2010 We Media Game Changer Community Choice award, which recognizes “people, projects, ideas, and organizations leading change and inspiring a better world through media.” Stites was nominated for the Banyan Project, which “aims to strengthen democracy through high-quality, Web-based journalism that engages the civic energy of less-than-affluent everyday citizens”

The Rev. W. Frederick Wooden wishes his therapists had provided some “psychic sunscreen.”

They told me, taught me, to be in touch with my emotions, not to bottle things up and stuff like that. Now, I cannot stop them. They are present constantly, inconveniently, embarrassingly, disturbingly, almost daily. (“Aside From The Obvious,” January 30)

“Yewtree” answers the question, “since the [biblical] story isn’t literally true, why not just jettison it completely? Why bother reinterpreting it?”

I think the answer to this is because we are taught these stories as children and they have a way of lodging in the psyche / being embedded in the subconscious (nasty infectious memes!) and if we reinterpret them, it helps the psyche to recover from the unpleasant results of them. Just telling yourself they are not true isn’t enough—it works for the rational mind but not the irrational subconscious. The subconscious works in terms of stories and myths (that’s why they’re important) so if you want to re-educate the subconscious, you have to tell it new stories, or new interpretations of the old stories. (“the dance of the elements,” January 31)

Geocaching, “a worldwide game of hiding and seeking treasure” has a UU component: Henry Ducky Thoreau.

Henry dreams of being an itinerant Unitarian Universalist preacher. He would like to travel to and have his picture taken at Unitarian Universalist churches, with Unitarian Universalist ministers, at Unitarian Universalist events, or at other significant places in Unitarian Universalist history. (“Cachers of a Feather,” February 1)

In the world of blogging themes, cooking ranks right up there with cats, and the Rev. Jull Terwilliger provides us with a recipe for “Kraupsua,” Finnish oven pancakes. (“The Forest and the Trees,” February 3)

And “Harrumpher” describes cooking unfamiliar root vegetables.

I have largely looked at the bins of uglies for a long time. Lately, I’ve been buying and then researching this or that. Latino markets, like Hi Lo in JP, the Haymarket, and more recently Stop & Shop have produce bins of the funkiest looking roots—stuff that seems to come out of an animator’s spare cycles.

Unfortunately for us ignorant sorts, the markets are generally not much help. I’ve asked. At Hi Lo, Latino shoppers would say they don’t use something, that their grandmother did but they never liked it or just “boil it.” Haymarket vendors are even less help as is Kenny and the other Italian-American staff at Baby Nat’s at the top of Roslindale. They sell the stuff because, well, it sells. They don’t know what to do with it. (“Harrumph!” January 30)

The Rev. Kathryn Bert, making her way through the new challenges of the interdependent web, “decided not to ‘friend’ members of the congregation, so I can keep my Facebook page personal and not professional.”

There’s a generaton of ministers older than me that regularly befriended (in real life, not Facebook) individuals and families in the congregation. For some of them it worked. The best of them were able to have dinner with some folks, and not with others, and navigate any unrest that created in the congregation. I am of the generation of ministers for whom that seems problematic and difficult, and I regularly decline such invitations. (“The Stole’n Word,” January 29)

The Rev. Jill Terwilliger and her family are on a six-month sojourn from Kalamazoo, Michigan, to Jyväskylä, Finland.

Instead of culture shock, I think I am experiencing culture fatigue. Living in a place where every little thing is different is exhausting. Some of it is culture, language, and food differences. The lack of facial expressions makes me feel invisible. The language is ridiculously hard and although I am starting to catch some things in class, in real life people still talk too fast for me so most interactions come with the need to ask “do you speak English?” And then I feel like an American cultural imperialist who couldn’t bother to learn any other languages. OK, that’s an exaggeration, but there is some of that there. Does the fact that I could say most of what I need to say in German buy me an indulgence? (“The Forest and the Trees,” January 24)

Terwilliger finds herself trying to explain UUism to Finns: “UUs want to gather with people and explore ideas of ethics and meaning and faith. That draws them to church. With or without God, church adds something important to their lives.” (January 27)

“Plaidshoes” asks: “If you had to choose one quality in a minister you value more then anything else, what would it be? Mine would be: HONESTY.” That’s the whole post. Go and leave a comment with your choice. (“Everyday Unitarian,” January 24)

The Rev. Daniel Harper meditates on the place of computers in our lives.

The Roman household gods, the Lares, were less brief and not made of plastic. Yet many of today’s households have small altars devoted to personal computers, we give them offerings of electricity and our attention, and many of us pay obeisance to them on a regular basis; so I’d say at the moment personal computers sometimes fill the role once filled by Lares. (“Yet Another Unitarian Universalist,” January 25)

David G. Markham is starting a Bible study on his blog. Let’s just say it isn’t your grandmother’s Bible study.

When I read Genesis it paradoxically makes me feel better. After all I did not kill my 3 younger brothers like Cain did. I haven’t been raped by my daughters. I have not impregnated my wife’s housecleaning lady although she is pretty good looking. (“UU A Way of Life,” January 26)

Literary deaths

The Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell mourns the passing of historian Howard Zinn:

There are not too many books of which you can say, “Reading this changed my life.” I can probably count them on the fingers of one hand. One of those is Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States. It is the history of our country from the perspective of those who generally remain voiceless: native Americans, slaves, women, immigrants, poor laboring people. It’s what you never learned in high school or college when you took American history and read about all the conquering men and heroic deeds of U.S. past. (“Rev. Dr. Marilyn Sewell,” January 28)

“Kinsi” also felt that A People’s History of the United States changed his life. “It really opened my eyes—not everything I was taught was necessarily true, everything has a different point of view depending on your frame of reference.” (“Spirituality and Sunflowers,” January 28)

Helene Atwan, director of Beacon Press, has a remembrance of Zinn and his long publishing relationship with Beacon. (“Beacon Broadside,” January 28)

Reactions to the death of J.D. Salinger were not all so laudatory. The Rev. Daniel Harper has come to have a dim view of the reclusive author:

Carol came home, made a sandwich, told me about her day, then said, “Did you hear J. D. Salinger died?”

“Finally,” I said. (“Yet Another Unitarian Universalist,” January 28)

The Rev. Amy Zucker Morgenstern, on the other hand, looks forward to seeing what Salinger has been writing since his last published work.

My reaction to his death, along with a pang of sadness (though it was no tragedy–not because he was a cranky old coot but because he’d lived for 91 years) was that it bears a long-awaited silver lining: I’ll finally get a peek at the books he’s reportedly been writing. I fervently hope he ordered them published, not destroyed. (“Sermons in Stones,” January 29)

Patrick Murfin speaks for many: “No other author probably had so great an influence on my generation.” (“Heretic, Rebel, a Thing to Flout,” January 28)

Haiti

“Politywonk” reminds herself that she, with her own pains, has “just as much inherent worth and dignity as an earthquake victim.”

Stewardship does not mean giving away the right to experience one’s own life. Feeling one’s own pain is a right. As with any right, it can be abused, exploited, misinterpreted. But neither should one turn one’s back on the gift of being human.

And what bothers me most? Broken wrists don’t hurt any less in Haiti. They don’t mend any faster, probably slower and with arthritis forever after. A month from now, they’ll be worse, and I’ll be fine. (“PolityWonk,” January 15)

In light of rebuilding efforts at the airport in Port-au-Prince, “Chalicechick” is glad the U.S. military is large, well equipped, and well trained.

There will always be UUs who want UUism to be a peace church and want the US to be a peaceful nation unprepared for war. But I have to say that when another country has a disaster and the Americans can fly in and make a bad time better, it makes me proud. (“The Chaliceblog,” January 21)

Rebecca Hecking has two posts on making activism sustainable while also responsive to current events.

Instead of running with the herd, take some time and really examine which issues touch your heart. . . .It doesn’t matter that there are a thousand other equally important issues out there. For now, simply figure out what resonates with you on a deep and ongoing level, year after year. (“The Sustainable Soul,” January 18. Her second post includes four suggestions for keeping “a healthy sense of perspective,” January 21)

Politics

The Rev. Daniel Harper finds political liberals and conservatives “shallow ideologies motivated solely by party unity and retention of power.”

As ideologues, neither Coakley nor Brown deserved to win [the Massachusetts Senate race]; neither one would bother much with the real problems. And so we will continue to not feed the hungry, and not help the suffering, and not be peacemakers; and the last shall not be first because those who are first plan to stay right where they are. (“Yet Another Unitarian Universalist,” January 20)

“Kinsi” at “Spirituality and Sunflowers” is going to take a break from following news commentary.

I can spend all that time, all that energy I spend on politics right now, on me. On my spirituality. On getting my life in order, in shape. On trying to live my best life, as Oprah would say.

I can care about causes without caring deeply about politics. I can still volunteer, still do what I can to make the world a better, more just, more equal place, without obsessing about electoral politics. (“Spirituality and Sunflowers,” January 20)

The Rev. Eric Cherry, International Resources director for the UUA, shares news about UUs and politics in Uganda.

The Unitarian Universalist Church of Uganda is preparing to take a strong and courageous stand against the “Anti-Homosexuality Bill of 2009.” This hate-filled legislation proposed in the Ugandan Parliament would criminalize homosexuality and enforce penalties of life imprisonment and capital punishment against gays and lesbians. BGLT allies would also face drastic punishments. (“Inspired Faith, Effective Action,” January 20)

Politywonk encourages mutual support and group activism in light of the Supreme Court’s ruling on corporate politicking.

Get together a group of concerned folks and make a covenant to work together until the issue is settled. There are individuals who already try to show up and ask questions, rather than voicing views: it’s time to raise their numbers and build their visibility. (“Politywonk,” January 23)

David Pyle reacted emotionally to the week’s news.

I will say this though . . . as I was driving around to see my hospice patients this week, listening to the Gospel of Matthew on my car CD player, several stories took on new and different meanings because of the mental space that I am in . . .

Especially the one where Jesus came in and threw the moneychangers out of the temple. (“Celestial Lands,” January 23)

Race

David Pyle is concerned about the myth of a post-racial America given momentum by President Barack Obama’s election.

There is an ironic twist to one of the ways I hear the myth of a post-racial America expressed often, and that is when someone (on the right or the left) claims that they are “color-blind” when it comes to race. The ironic twist is that they are right . . . they are blind to the way that the color of those around them affects their attitudes and behaviors. To be color-blind in our culture is simply to be blind. This is true not just of white Americans, or black Americans, or Americans on the political right or the political left. Each and every one of us carries with us racial pre-conceptions every moment of every day of our lives. When we either ignore those pre-conceptions (pretend to be color-blind) or worship those pre-conceptions as an idol (become actively racist) those pre-conceptions operate then as prejudices. (“Celestial Lands,” January 16, and a follow-up post in response to comments on January 18)

The Rev. Anthony David, senior minister of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta, posted a sermon on the subject.

Racism persists, even after the demise of old-fashioned bigotry, even after Obama’s historic election. For racism is like environmental pollution infiltrating the entire ecology of a society. It’s in the earth and in the air. It’s fundamentally a system of advantage based on skin color, which transcends individual acts of meanness even as it mandates them. (“Thousand Voices,” January 17)

“Kinsi,” partially in response to that sermon, says “I just don’t get the need for it, the need for it to be one of the most important things we look at as a denomination. I would love for someone to leave comments with why this is so important, because honestly I just don’t get it.” (“Spirituality and Sunflowers,” January 23)

Around the blogosphere

Chalicechick wrestles with the implications of discovering that one of the members of the youth group she advises is a regular reader of her blog. (“The Chaliceblog,” January 18)

Peter Bowden at “The UU Growth Blog” is collecting links to interviews with UUA President Peter Morales. (“The UU Growth Blog,” January 15)

One of the series of posts on the January 2010 UUA Board meeting by UUA trustee Linda Laskowski deals with the report
of the Fifth Principle Task Force. (“The View from Berkeley,” January 18)

The Ballou Channing District Young Adult Ministry has a new blog. They’re up to “share your faith question #2: My Generation.”

“The Splinter Generation,” an online community for writers and artists born between 1973 and 1993, describes us as a fragmented, isolated population. . . . Do you agree that young adults, as a group, have no cohesive identity? What words would you use to describe yourself and your peers? What would you say we stand for? (“The Ballou Channing District Young Adult Ministry,” January 22)

Joel Monka (“CUUMBAYA,” January 18) has started a new blog, “Reason and Reconciliation.”

This blog is intended to be a neutral ground where all can discuss their issues with the Unitarian Universalist Association and its member congregations. It is also a place where those criticisms can be answered and challenged in turn. The only ground rules are these: No personal insults, no armchair psychoanalyzing, no spamming. Address people by their proper names; no nicknames or “cute” references; something you may find funny another may find offensive. No links unless they are absolutely necessary to understand the issue. Keep the discussion about the discussion; don’t label the arguments made (such as “DIM” or “irrational”)–labels do not advance understanding. Simply agree with them or refute them. (“Reason and Reconciliation”)

Consider casting a vote for former UU World editor Tom Stites, who has been named a finalist for We Media’s Community Choice Game Changer Award. The Game Changer awards recognize “people, projects, ideas and organizations leading change and inspiring a better world through media.” Stites, a former New York Times and Chicago Tribune editor, is leading the Banyan Project, which is preparing to launch community news websites that serve less-than-affluent Americans.

Tell us how you really feel

The Interdependent Web isn’t all about serious subjects. Chalicechick “reviews The Lovely Bones and saves you eleven bucks.”

Spoilers within if you have no idea what this movie is about, but that shouldn’t matter because you shouldn’t go to this movie*

For the love of God, do not see this movie. I am, uncharacteristically, almost at a loss for metaphor. But I’m going to try. It’s like if, oh George Balanchine, working with a heretofore undiscovered piece of music by, oh, say, Mozart and it was one of those ballets where Cezanne painted the sets, and then Balanchine picked for his dancers, oh, say, KISS. (“The Chaliceblog,” January 17. ADVISORY: There is a gerund of a four-letter word in the very next sentence of the post.)

Christopher L. Walton contributed to this week’s Interdependent Web.